


Say When

by JannaEnd



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Death, Don't let me tag, Happy Ending, I Don't Even Know, It started as something serious, Multi, Not Really Character Death, POV Eren Yeager, Reincarnation, because I can't, but then...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 00:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4413836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JannaEnd/pseuds/JannaEnd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Eren began to work at Petra's diner, he didn't know how much his life will change. Now he has to deal with strange people, a weird illness, and Levi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say When

“On this week will be the last Saturday of the month” says Petra, my boss, on a happy voice. This means there will be a party here in the diner where I work on Saturday evening. The other two waiters, Eld and Gunther receive the news with exultant joy. I keep sweeping and pretend not to be here.

“Eren, you’ll come this time, won’t you?” Petra’s innocent question runs a knife into my heart. I try to smile at her kindly.

“I-I’ll see…”

“Oh, come on! It’s always fun, you have to come at least once” chimes in Eld cheerfully. “And I’m sure everyone welcomes you, even Auruo” when he notices Petra’s cold stare, he adds quickly: “Who is a fantastic person, it’s just hard to him to express his feelings.”

All of us laugh at this except Petra. The blonde woman only rolls her eyes then grabs my arm and drags me out into the kitchen.

“Eren is there any problem?” she asks looking into my eyes.

“N-no, everything’s alright” I’m a bit confused.

“You know you can tell me anything, right? If there’s someone or something that bothers you-”

“No, there’s nothing like this” I reassure her. “I’m sorry for making you worry.”

“Okay… okay” she sighs like she’d guess I’m not completely honest. “Will you come on Saturday?”

I think for a minute.

“Yes… Yes, I will.”

We finish cleaning quickly and then go home.

 

I’ve been working at Petra’s little diner for four months or so. It’s a beautiful place with good salary and nice colleagues, I like being here. Then what’s the problem with the gathering on Saturday, you ask. Well… Everyone’s kind with me and all but I still have a strange, exclusion-like feeling. I see on them that they’d like, if I belonged to them, if I felt good in their company, and I want this too, but something stands between us. Like there would be a secret they all know, and I should know it too, but I forgot it. It doesn’t make the time I spend with them too comfortable.

The other reason why I don’t want to go is my illness, as I call it for want of better. I never fainted in my life, but since I began to work at the diner I’m able to collapse in the most unexpected moments. And while I’m unconscious for the outside world, my mind can spend days in a terrible place. There humans built three enormous walls to protect themselves from the human-eating giants named titans. I belong to a military group called “Survey Corps”, the main task of its members is to discover the land beyond the walls. And I can turn into a titan. Lovely, isn’t it? The strangest thing in these… dreams (?) that the most people who appear in them I met in the past four months. The workers or regular guests of the diner. What’s even worse that I saw the most of them die in this weird world.

At the beginning I didn’t pay too much attention for these faints, but after the fourth or fifth case I went to the doctor. After long examinations it turned out that I’m completely healthy. So I went to a psychologist for weeks without avail. Eventually I gave up. The most I can do is spending possibly the least amount of time with anybody who I see in these dreams (nightmares).

 

Saturday evening comes too soon, and the next thing I notice that I enter the diner. I don’t even have the time to say hi, someone already hugs me, but so forcefully I think I’m going to die.

“Eren I haven’t seen you for ages! How are you? Come, sit down and drink something. Erwin and I are discussing my newest idea to advance our business. He says it’s madness, but I find it fantastic. Life would be too boring, if we never risked anything. Anyway, I’d like to hear your opinion!” the brown-haired woman who drags me towards a table is Hanji. She’s one of our regulars and Petra’s good friend, we see her almost every day.

“And what if we don’t talk about work tonight?” asks Erwin, the blond man who I sit down next to. He has a small, co-owned business with Hanji. I have no clue what they do, to be honest, because the others warned me against asking anything. “I don’t think Eren would be interested in topics like this.”

Hanji pouts for a few minutes, but then she forgets it and keeps blabbing like nothing happened.

“Mike and Nana don’t come?” I ask after looking around.

“No” answers Erwin. “They’re on a date. They booked a table in a restaurant earlier and all these things, and they didn’t want to cancel it.”

“Ah, I see. Petra wasn’t too over-delighted, was she?”

“You should’ve seen her face!” Hanji laughs. “I still can hear her voice: ‘At long last I convince Eren to come and someone else says they can’t be there! We’re never going to have a party together again!’ Seriously, like we have no chance to live the next month.”

“Well, you can never know” a voice says behind my back then its owner grabs my shoulder. “What’s up Eren, the old guys caught you?”

“Yeah, totally” I smile at Armin. Erwin’s nephew seems to be an innocent, kind boy, but I’m sure he’s an evil mastermind. Maybe that’s why I like him so much.

After a while Armin’s friend and flatmate, Jean joins us. Have you ever met somebody who you look at and feel ‘Oh God, let me punch them in the face!’? Well, Jean is that kind of person. I don’t know what evokes this feeling in me, the poor guy have done nothing against me. However, judging by his glares it’s mutual. In any case I try to keep myself in check, and not comment on every movement he makes.

The door of the diner opens again and a tall, black-haired girl walks in. Jean runs to greet his girlfriend.

“Why didn’t they come together?” I turn to Armin.

“That was the plan, but Jeanbo lost his driving licence and didn’t have the guts to risk” Armin just shakes his head.

“Oh, my poor darling…”

“You’re sorry for Mikasa, right?”

“Well, definitely not for ‘Jeanbo’” I glance at the couple. I’ve taken a liking to Mikasa in the last few months. If she didn’t go out with that idiot, I would find her totally normal. Even so we get on very well. Oh wait… Is that why Jean hates me?

Only now I notice that Mikasa didn’t arrive alone. Close behind her there stands-

“Leviiiiii~!” Hanji almost falls off her chair. “Tell me you brought your guitar!”

“Of course I brought it Crazy Four-eyes, you don’t have to yell” storm-grey eyes scan the company and then meet my green ones. I turn away quickly, but I feel Levi’s stare burning my nape.

Mikasa’s cousin is a frequent guest too. Sometimes he provides us live music, and I have to admit he has amazing voice and plays the guitar very well. Maybe he seems to be rude at first, but under the surface there’s a caring, nice man. He just sees the things realistically and isn’t afraid to tell what he thinks. And if he was a bit taller, he’d look like a Greek demi-god.

I think I already fell for Levi a little after the first time I took his order. If his behaviour was anything to go by, he was interested in me as well. We began to talk, to get to know each other, and got closer and closer. I wanted him and he wanted me. But then…

He began to show up in those “dreams” I have when I faint. In that world he’s older and everyone calls him “Captain”. He’s my superior and what I feel towards him is more like respect and recognition than love. It wouldn’t be a problem, the majority of my new acquaintances appear in this world. Maybe it wouldn’t have been a problem either if I’d seen him die. He wouldn’t have been the first. But _the way he died_ changed everything.

 

_We tried to take back the wall called Maria. Levi got injured. I turned into a titan and fought. Then somehow I lost control. The next thing I remember is Mikasa pulling me out of the titan. I felt dizzy, my head hurt and I was weak. There were other people around us, all of them looking at me terrified. Mikasa laid me onto the ground and looked into my eyes confused._

_“Eren… why?”_

_What why? I had no strength to ask only turned my head to the side. Hanji did something around the fist of my titan. It was like she pulled something out of it… It was like…_

_“Captain!” I couldn’t stand up so I practically crawled on all fours to the broken body._

_“Captain!” Levi’s pale skin seemed whiter than usual next to the red colour of his blood leaking from his mouth. His limbs twisted in weird angles, his eyes were foggy and he barely breathed._

_“Captain!” My voice was quiet but desperate and hysterical. “Captain Levi… I didn’t want this… Captain… I’m sorry… Please… Please don’t…”_

_He looked at me slowly._

_“-ake…Take back… the wall…” he closed his eyes, sighed softly. A little smile appeared in the corner of his mouth. “Shitty… brat…”_

_He didn’t move anymore._

 

After this dream I couldn’t see into Levi’s eyes. He tried to talk to me, but after a while he gave up. I know he’s confused and doesn’t understand the situation, and I’m so sorry for him. I’d like to give him some kind of explanation, but I can’t stand in front of him and say: ‘Hey, so I dreamed that I kill you and it scares the Hell out of me, so let’s not talk anymore, okay?’. I think I’m afraid of the possibility that I’ll hurt Levi in this world too if I keep contact with him.

 

The party goes on and I try to feel good. I talk to Armin, dance with Mikasa (when we notice Jean’s deathly glare, we laugh and agree that we’re tired and should stop), and carefully avoid Levi. I’m quite good at it now. The strange visions of the other world are still in my mind, just like this weird feeling of exclusion, but I try not to pay too much attention to them. However, as the time goes it becomes harder and harder, and eventually I feel I have to escape from people. So I apologize to Petra and pretend to go to the bathroom, but when no one watches I change directions and sneak out to the garden of the diner.

It’s the middle of the summer, so the sky isn’t completely dark even if it’s already half past nine. The air is pleasantly warm and fresh. I immediately feel better, although it doesn’t last long, because I notice I’m not alone. Levi sits on a bench with his guitar in his lap. We just stare at each other. I wonder how impolite I’d be, if I just turned around and went back in. Pretty much, says an honest little voice in my head. I wipe my sweaty palms in my jeans and with unsteady steps I walk to the black-haired man.

“Hey” I greet him.

“Hey” Levi greets back. He watches me from the corner of his eye. I didn’t talk to him for weeks, he must be confused that I just come and sit down next to him. Actually I confuse myself as well.

“Uhm… you… Why are you out there?” I ask.

“I don’t really feel like partying” he shrugs his shoulders. “I thought I shouldn’t ruin the mood.”

“I-I see” I kick away a pebble nervously.

“And you?”

“I… I just needed some fresh air… that’s all.”

We sit in awkward silence. I begin to chew the inside of my mouth, Levi plucks the strings quietly.

“What do you play?” I ask suddenly. He looks at me like he couldn’t decide if he should answer or not.

“Just a song which is in my mind recently” he says.

“Would you sing it... for me?”

“It isn’t too happy.”

“It’s okay.” Please just let’s not sit there in silence, because it drives me crazy.

“Okay…” he fidgets a little to hold the guitar more comfortable. “Shit, I can’t see anything…”

“Is this the part of the song?” I chuckle, surprising even myself. Levi doesn’t give an answer, just rolls his eyes. For a few seconds only the sounds of the guitar fill the air, then Levi begin to sing.

 

I see you there, don't know where you come from

Unaware of a stare from someone

Don't appear to care that I saw you and I want you

 

What's your name? 'Cause I have to know it

You let me in and begin to show it

We're terrified 'cause we're heading

Straight for it, might get it

 

Levi’s voice is breath-taking and grows more and more intensive as the song goes on. But what really catch my attention are the lyrics. ‘Just a song which is in my mind recently.’ It feels like he’d sing it for me, like the song would be about us. Maybe it’s just my stupid imagination. Still this feeling becomes stronger when Levi looks into my eyes and keeps singing.

 

Come across you lost and broken

You're coming to but you're slow in waking

You start to shake.

You still haven't spoken, what happened

 

They're coming back and you just dont know when

You want to cry but there's nothing comin'

They're gonna push until you give in, say when

 

 _What happened, you ask. I saw you die. I killed you. Every time I collapse I see these terrible memories_. As this thought is drafted in me I know that this is the truth. What I see these aren’t dreams but memories… Memories of a frightening world where we all lived once.

 

Maybe god can be on both sides

Of the gun never understood why

Some of us never get it so good, so good

 

Some of this was here before us

All of this will go after us

Never stops until we give in, give in

 

Say when and my own two hands

Will comfort you tonight, tonight

Say when and my own two arms

Will carry you tonight, tonight

 

Say when and my own two hands

Will comfort you tonight, tonight

 

The song ends too fast. I sit silently, my emotions deprive me of speech.

“I told you it’s not a happy song” Levi says quietly.

“It… It was beautiful…” I stammer.

Levi leans the guitar against the bench and sits closer to me.

“Alright, I’ve had enough” I shudder at his voice and look up at him. “You began to remember, right?”

“S-sorry…?” It’s impossible that he…

“You know… Walls, titans, the Survey Corps…”

I don’t answer but look down at the ground between us and swallow. They… They all know? They all remember? But why… Why didn’t they say anything? Why are they so kind to me? … After all I killed-

“I know back then I didn’t treat you the same as now” I can barely hear Levi’s words of my own thoughts “but if everything was like then, I wouldn’t-”

“I killed you” I interrupt him.

“Pardon?”

I look into his eyes again, because I don’t understand anything and I want him to understand this.

“I killed you, Levi.”

“No, you didn’t…?” he shakes his head.

“Yes, I did… Hanji pulled you out of my fist… of the titan’s fist… you were totally broken…”

“But you weren’t the one who broke me” Levi shivers from the memory.

“But everyone said…”

“It wasn’t you. You just protected me” he cups my face in his hands and wipes away a teardrop which streams down my face with his thumb.

“Really? … Are you sure? ...” I whisper the questions. Levi doesn’t answer but smiles at me reassuringly. I can’t help but fall into his arms and press my face against his shoulder. I hold on to him like my life depended on it. He caresses my back softly, and it feels so good.

“Is that why you didn’t talk to me?”

Somehow I feel guilty because of this question. I embrace him more tightly and nod.

“Thank God” he murmurs and nuzzles my hair. “I thought I did something wrong” and with that he puts a kiss on the top of my head.

I pull a bit back, our eyes meet.

“No, you did nothing wrong.”

He kisses my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, the corner of my mouth and then finally my lips. It’s sweet and gentle and full of emotions. I lose my sense of time, there’s only me and Levi. I try to push myself closer to him, my fingers play with his hair. His hands discover every part of my back and slowly go under my t-shirt. My body trembles at the touch and Levi smiles into the kiss. For a few seconds everything is perfect.

“Fucking finally!”

I pull away from Levi as fast as possible, throw a glance at Hanji, who stands at the door smiling like a crazy woman she is, and hide my (cherry red) face in my hands.

“What the hell do you want?” Levi sounds annoyed.

“I wanted to ask you to come in and play something for us… But you don’t have to hurry~!” I hear the door closing behind her. Levi lets out a deep sigh.

“It seems I have to go.”

I drop my hands in my lap. “Yeah…”

“You’re coming too?”

“M-hm.”

None of us moves, but eventually Levi stretches and grabs his guitar.

“Why didn’t anybody say anything?” I ask out of nowhere.

“We weren’t sure if you remember or not. You know, there are people who don’t remember. And it would’ve been awkward if we’d begun to talk about titans and shit while you know nothing. I mean, we would’ve seemed to be complete idiots.”

I let out a little laugh, and then we sit silently for a while.

“A lot of things changed, didn’t they?”

“Back then” Levi says “sometimes I wondered what if you lose control over the titan and eat me.”

“Oh…”

“But you know” he puts his arm around my shoulder and leans close to my ear “now I won’t mind if you eat me” this being said, he stands up and heads towards the door like nothing happened.

I sit on the bench paralyzed, my face is hot.

Oh. My. God.

What did I get involved in?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! As always I'm eager to know your opinion!  
> The song Levi sings is Say When by The Fray.  
> (English isn't my native language, I'm terribly sorry for the mistakes)


End file.
